Balancing Between Opposites: Detachment and Attachment

Our spiritual lives are a constant interplay, a dynamic process. At the heart of this dynamic interplay are several interdependent pairs of seeming “opposites,” such as activity/receptivity, consolation/desolation, and detachment/attachment, which are, in fact, mutually interdependent.

- Kay Northcutt, Kindling Desire for God, 103

Detachment is the practice of spiritual formation that allows us to pray for the best possible outcome, without a sense of what ought to happen. Detachment is letting go of our own desires and purposes and praying into the purposefulness of God’s intentions. “Detachment,” Northcutt says, “clears space for the Spirit’s leading and God’s purposefulness in the congregation.” Attachment, on the other hand, can be “selfish, grasping, thoughtless, and all too often motivated by a will-to-power.”

Experiencing detachment is hard for me. I care deeply about my own goals, my own desires. My attachment to family and friends is strong. The challenge for me is to remain attached to those who matter to me while not grasping. I think the key is this insight: God is already holding us together. The harder I hold on, the less I sense God already holding us close. To detach, in a spiritually healthy way, is to see the bonds God is already weaving, trusting in God’s love more than my strength, and then focusing my energy not on duplicating God’s efforts but on becoming more loving and trusting of others.

If I want to hold something fragile, I have to let go of my tight grip on hurt feelings, resentments, and unfulfilled desires. The irony is that in order to develop healthy attachments to others, I have to gently let go. Then I become free from blaming, scapegoating, resentment, and anger; free from desperately seeking others’ approval, free from the superficial. By letting go, I allow myself to be held by God, which allows me better to connect with others, who of course are also held together by God, which allows me to be filled with love.

Then, I can pray in the words of the hymn: “Weave, weave, weave us together; weave us together in unity and love. Weave, weave, weave us together; weave us together, together in love.”

Along the way, I wish you God’s peace for today’s stage of your Lenten spiritual journey. May Christ’s companionship bless you with confidence for the day, comfort you in trouble, and put a spring of joy in your step.